Monday, 13 June 2016
Realisation two steps later that the tiny puddle of syrup passed outside the doors of the emergency room was blood
Realisation that the blood was still wet
Pressing skinned knees into the tram floor to retrieve an empty iced tea bottle. My tram voice is louder than it used to be
K, G and I follow a trail of blood from a creep kicked out of G's neighbour's house. We debate the projectile capacity of veins vs arteries
3:15 pm 27.05.16
There's a hole in one of my gorman socks. I do a mental catalogue of everything by the brand that I own and realise I'm a much bigger sucker than I thought
A girl tells her mother about her school friends cracking a dead crab open with a boogieboard
(uncatalogued: several days of passing the emergency room doors and noticing the puddle of blood is dried now, dark red, never cleaned. Fondness for the word 'biohazard')
Wednesday, 6 April 2016
Monday, 7 March 2016
Today is International Women's Day! It is also about a million degrees and I am very warm and uncomfortable but I'm powering through to bring you some music videos by cool ladies that I am convinced exist in the same universe. There's probably not a great feminist message here but my underboobs are really sweaty so it's fine.
First up to set the scene is Kill v Maim by Grimes. I love this video so much? Anyway, this is the cool cyberpunk world full of bright clothes and girl gangs that this MV fanfic takes place in.
Next up is Toxic by Britney Spears aka possibly the best MV of all time? because this fic is about lady assassins. More world building! Britney is one of the first assassins in the agency later taken over by...
Taylor Swift in the Bad Blood video, obvs. Linking these two was one of the first thoughts I had when I saw Bad Blood (I'm kinda mad Britney didn't have a cameo?). There are obvious references in Bad Blood to Toxic and nothing will convince me that they aren't part of the same narrative.
After Taylor's fight with Selena destroys a bunch of stuff, including the agency, female assassins everywhere are going rogue and making splinter groups, with apocalyptic results. That brings us to this awesome video I just discovered for the song Sexy Love by South Korean act T-Ara. The video seems to be part of a larger series? Anyway, for fic/headcanon purposes this clip shows splinter groups and survivors in the wake of T-Swift's girl-hate-ocalypse. There are swords! It's great.
Even though comets apparently destroy the earth ?? in the last video there are still survivors. Led by Beyonce! Because girls are still on top. Feminism! I just love assassins and fashion and the apocalypse, it's fine. Beyonce for President.
I'm going to a Graduate Job Fair tomorrow and maybe I will dress like an assassin? I hope you are surviving the heat and that you have a nice day and don't do crime for money. Goodbye I am too warm why do I have a velvet desk chair.
Saturday, 5 March 2016
Apparently in some European countries, what the US refers to as an Indian summer is called a 'grandma's summer' or 'old woman's summer'. I can't wear my perfect new jeans when the sweat sticks them to the backs of my knees. I want to want to feel warm. I also want to go to the beach, which is logistically difficult.
We've had a rabbit, called Captain Honey, for a week and a half now. I can't be sure, but I'm pretty convinced that she is everything good and pure in the world. She's also subtly ombre, which is very aesthetic.
I've been listening to old punk and emo music more lately.The music helps. So does finally owning black lipstick. The mall goth in me will never die. I watched some of an incredibly tacky and offensive series on Netflix about women who have murdered people and the woman in the dramatic reenactment of the Brisbane vampire murder had the same set of tarot cards as me. Imagine what my parents would say.
I'm actually very optimistic about things at the moment but last night I didn't have a proper dinner or get a decent night's sleep. Someone did screaming burnouts up the street at 2am. Some men talked about picking up chicks. The wall of the shower is smeared with blood from the mosquitoes I've killed. I hope the rabbit doesn't die.
Saturday, 20 February 2016
Listening to Courtney Barnett on repeat all morning. I finished the drawing I had to stop yesterday because I got a headache which may have been a migraine. 'Light sensitivity' is a pretty vague term when you think about it. But just thinking about exercise can make you feel better.
I think I finally cracked the fiction part of my thesis yesterday. I still don't know how it's going to end but my character has become what I want and not what people think (it all makes sense, it all makes sense). Reading endless books and watching endless films by men, about men, makes it hard to write the truth. It makes you forget how to be a woman.
I make overly complicated lists but they keep me on track. I remind myself to vary my sentence length. I forget how strong the marker fumes can be and consider experimenting with oils. I still have a headache but 'taking it easy' doesn't qualify when mostly I do nothing at all. I push on, I push through.
I just read this essay by Tavi Gevinson: http://ilymag.com/2016/02/09/tavi-gevinson-essay/ I want to spend so much time just reading beautiful essays and long form journalism and well-written celebrity profiles. They don't understand that it's not the subject, it's just good writing. We had Honeymoon in Vegas on video tape. We watched it a lot.
What does it even mean to use that dreamy cliché, that a real-life event “felt like a movie”? / It was cold and it rained so I felt like an actor
Tuesday, 16 February 2016
I've read the novel Eucalyptus more times than it strictly warrants, I think. It's weird given how resistant I was to anything Australian at the sort of age that I was reading it. I'm still resistant to any writing set in the bush or whatever on earth 'the outback' is but I can now appreciate a lot more of my home setting than I once could. That's probably another essay, though.
For $12 I bought a bunch of Australian native flowers today. From that $12 I now have five vases with flowers or foliage in them, scattered all over the house (plus another vase with pale pink carnations that were my boyfriend's pick). Most of my vases are from op shops, bar the one above - Venetian glass, a gift from a friend - and my Mozi jug.
Having a couple of vases around is important, even if they're just in the back of the cupboard. Floors don't look as dirty when there's a bunch of flowers on the table. Mixed bunches can be broken up into a bunch of separate posies that not only probably look nicer than the tacky supermarket bouquets but also mean you get more flowers around the place for the same price. This is my important lifehack. It's probably very obvious but I'm chuffed with myself for how far I stretched one bunch of flowers today.
Eucalypts smell so wonderful and will keep smelling nice even after they don't look great, unlike other flowers. The series I'm doing my thesis on* has this description of this horrible goat monster that lives in waterways and smells like flowers that have been left rotting in a vase for too long. Having just thrown out some old flowers a couple of days before rereading that line, I had a very vivid idea of what that smelled like. In a way that was nice because it's a high fantasy series so it's not exactly *super relatable* so having a very fresh and present concept of what that smell would be really helped engage me in the scene. But on the downside, gross.
My hands smelled like eucalyptus for hours after cutting and rearranging the bouquet. The below is the one I'm most happy with/proud of. The crumpled bag vase is one of my best Savers finds. I love spinning gum for it's soft grey colour and unique shape (this is Mum's influence, hi Mum), and I haven't seen the dark red puff ball flower before but it's fantastic. This is the third, possible even fourth social media platform I've gushed about it on today so hopefully someone will tell me what it is. Every now and then I think about how nice it would be to be a florist but then I remember they have to get up ludicrously early in the morning.
A florist and a homewares store that were on Sydney Rd have just recently relocated into the same space, right near my bus stop. It's really expensive but everything they have is beautiful and it will be a lovely place to duck into on the wait for the bus.
*The Bitterbynde Trilogy by Cecelia Dart-Thornton, for the curious
Tuesday, 9 February 2016
I'm writing from my parents' office in rural NSW. I've been to the beach twice and have sunburn on my left shoulder. After I left the water, we spotted a stringray right where I had been. It's the year of the monkey, which means this should be my year.
I think about cosmic payoffs and universal balance and whatever else it is that gets called karma that actually isn't. 'One good turn deserves another'. What's reward from working really hard and what's reward from the universe after a string of bad luck? The closest I get to superstition is telling myself, after a really hard time, that something really good must be coming my way. This yeat though I mean to put the work in instead of just feeling crap and waiting for something good to land in front of me.
Looking at old artworks has reminded me that I need to work harder on my technical ability. I feel like I've gone backwards in some respects. I need to focus on my realist drawing as much as my comics and lineart, and different mediums besides.
It's too warm today. I need a book and a nap.
Tuesday, 2 February 2016
Monday, 11 January 2016
So many called me up to say
it was only just the other day
I know so many people who
they were only just talking to
it seems like the strangest kind
of coincidence, you were just on their mind
and they call you the starman,
but you've been on earth for a long time
resting on the surface for a long time
spreading out your lines
like a spider from Mars
and cases full of costumes
and boxes full of you
and rectangles of paper
telling us all who
which mask will you be buried in
a suit of many skins
stitched together from the faces
of all your many men
a grave in all the places
where you've been
you'll get to live forever
I've poured glitter in my eyes
wishing it was stardust
and you're on the other side
but it's just us now
who were just talking about you
and now that's all we'll ever do
Photos by my boyfriend Kim.